


i've only kissed out of fear

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, High School, M/M, Secret Marriage, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: in which michael and alex get married out of high school(title: readiness is all by atta boy)





	1. The Proposal

“One more week.” **  
**

“Please don’t remind me.”

Michael’s eyes flickered up to get a good glimpse at Alex’s face.  They were in the bed of his truck and had his head in Alex’s lap as he painted his nails for probably the last time.  Michael hated thinking that in 7 days, Alex would be stripped of his personality and given camouflage.  His hatred only grew when he remembered that Alex might only come back in a box.

“I’m never gonna see you again, huh?” Michael asked, mindlessly picking at the hem of his tattered shirt.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Guerin.” Alex said, shutting him down in that voice that screamed ‘Manes Man’.  Michael hated when he spoke that way.

“We need to.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“Yes, we do!” Michael sat up sharply, finally getting Alex to look him in the eye.  “I love you, Alex, and you’re about to be sent to fucking war.  I don’t want that to be it.  I don’t want to just have you ripped away from me to never see or hear from you again.  I’m going to spend the rest of my life worrying, wondering if you’re alive or if you’re laying in the desert on the other side of the world with a bullet in you.  I can’t live like that, it’s going to drive me insane.”

“We don’t have a choice,” Alex argued, wearing a face that belonged to Jesse Manes.  It made him look away.  He wanted to argue, but he didn’t have a foot to stand on.  If they ran away, his father would hunt them down.  If Alex told him no, his dad would probably beat him into submission.  Any option ended in pain.  That was just their stupid fucking life.

“I wish there were more options,” Michael whispered, borderline pouting as his back thudded against the side of the bed.  “I’m just… God, I don’t want to go my whole life not knowing if you’re alright.  No one’s gonna tell me if something happens to you.  It isn’t fair.”

“Well… There’s one option.” Alex said softly.  Michael’s head shot up.  Alex was still looking down at his fingers, carefully touching up his nails as if he didn’t just say there might be a solution to their problems.

“What do you mean?  What option?” Michael asked, sitting up.  Alex didn’t say anything and Michael crawled a little closer.  “Alex?  What option?”

“We could get married,” Alex suggested simply.  Michael’s heart skipped a beat at the suggestion, anxiety pulsing through all the way to his fingertips.  He was sure his entire body had turned red.  

“We… we’re only eighteen.” Michael muttered out as he stared at Alex.  The idea of getting married sounded so, so insane.  Especially since it wasn’t even legal.  But the longer he stared at Alex, even though he wasn’t looking back, the more he felt like he would do it.  If marrying Alex on a whim meant a working solution, he’d do it.

“Yeah, I know, forget it.  It’s just the only thing I could think of where you’d be notified if something happened to me.” Alex said, grumbling to himself as he tried to focus on his nails even more.  Michael scooted closer and grabbed his hand with his good one, making him look at him even though he was careful not to smudge the wet polish.  All he needed was Alex to say it again, to say it was a good idea again, and he’d do it.   _They’d_  do it.

“How would we do it?  Like, how would it work?  Since it’s not legal and… and is it even allowed?” Michael asked, holding his hand a little tighter.  Alex’s eyes flickered around his face, biting down on his lip.

“Uh, domestic partnership technically, I guess.  We could… go to Santa Fe, have a ceremony and stuff. And DADT is in place, but it’d still make it easier for you to be put on, like, my emergency contacts.  Besides, what’s the worst they could do?  Kick me out?” Mischief danced in Alex’s eyes, fueling Michael’s smile as they laced their fingers together.  It sounded good.  Better than good, actually.  Fuck, them getting married could mean Alex wouldn’t be allowed in at all.  How awesome would that be?

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good,” Michael said softly, kissing the back of Alex’s hand.  He shifted to sit up on his knees along with Michael, their foreheads leaning against one another.  Smiles were on both of their faces, involuntary laughter bubbling as they let their decision sink in.  Fuck.

“So… Michael Guerin, the man of my dreams who gives me something to look forward to, will you do me the great honor of becoming my husband?” Alex giggled out.  Michael’s toes curled inside his shoes, knocking his feet together as he squeezed Alex’s hand.  Those words felt so surreal.  He never thought anyone would like him, much less want to marry him.  He had issues.  He wasn’t human.  He didn’t deserve Alex.

But, by some force of nature, he had him.

“Yeah, I will.” Michael agreed.  If possible, Alex smiled even wider and moved to wrap his arms around Michael’s neck.  They wrapped each other up in a hug, Michael holding him so tight he was shaking.

This was incredible.  This was everything.  Alex was everything.

“Fuck, we’re gonna get married.” Michael murmured, pulling away just enough to grab Alex’s face.  “When?  We got a week.”

“Uh, let’s leave tomorrow morning,” Alex said, grabbing Michael’s wrists and rubbing small circles into them, “We can go to, to a courthouse or call for any, like, last minute chapels if you want.  Then we can get a motel room for the night and drive back here the next day.  I’ll tell my dad I stayed with Liz.”

Michael licked his lips, “I don’t have money for a motel room.” Even that statement came with amusement.  He was giddy with the excitement of the whole thing.  He dreamed of this, dreamed of loving someone like he loved Alex.  Somehow, out of all the shit that happened to them both, luck was on their side.

“I bet my dad does,” Alex said, raising his eyebrows.  Michael let out a surprised laugh before closing the space, finally kissing his boyfriend.  No,  _fiancé_.  How fucking fancy is that?

Celebratory kisses were a different feeling.  There was nothing frantic about it, there was nothing sad.  All the sadness that had pushed them to this decision seemed to be easily ignored when they let themselves focus on nothing more than them being together.  A legally binding contract that insisted they were important to each other, that they would be together forever regardless of how accurate that actually was.

It sounded too good to be true because it was.  But nothing was stopping him from doing it anyway.  Within a handful of minutes, Michael discovered celebratory sex was even better than celebratory kisses.  Sex with Alex had always been good, even their first time when Alex basically had to direct him.  Alex had somehow managed to take Michael’s awkward fumbling and made it into something hot.  It was like a secret talent he had.  Michael wasn’t sure if he was envious or just really fucking lucky.

“You know, I’m glad you mentioned this now and that we’re going tomorrow.  Then we get a few days of being husbands before you have to leave.” Michael whispered, stroking Alex’s cheek as he laid curled up at his side.

“I’ll look into tonight, see where we can go,” Alex said in response, propping his chin against Michael’s bare chest.  Michael ran his hand through Alex’s dark hair, his eyes fluttering closed when his fingers caught a knot.  God, he was beautiful.  “What time is it?”

The question was a reminder of their actual situation.  Alex had a curfew, he had a dangerously strict father.  He could get away for tomorrow, but he didn’t want to risk their plans by being late tonight.  So Michael felt around for Alex’s phone, finding it in the corner beside the tire.

“7:45.  Also, you have a text from Maria.” Michael said, sighing when he realized they had to leave soon.  After the night in the shed, Alex’s curfew had been moved from 10PM to 8:30.  As if that would keep Alex from hooking up with guys.  Can’t be gau before 9PM.

“What’d she say?”

“Said she wants to throw a party for you before you leave,” Michael said, putting the phone down.  He let his eyes drift down to his new fiancé.

“You should come,” Alex suggested.  Michael had never actually been invited to a party that wasn’t thrown by Isobel.  He smiled.  

“Okay.”

They eventually got dressed and climbed into the front seat of the truck.  Michael took Alex’s hand in his own.  That felt nice.  It felt so casual for them.

Still, Michael dropped him off a few blocks down just in case, sending him off with a sweet kiss and the promise to meet him at 7 the next morning.  The drive to Santa Fe was a long on and it would be all his savings on gas money, but it was worth it.  They’d be 3 hours away and married and happy in their own bubble for a night.

After dropping off Alex, Michael drove straight to the Evans’ residence.  No communication was necessary as Isobel snuck him through her window so he could take a shower and grabbed his dirty clothes to throw in the wash with her own.  They’d fallen into this routine ever since he’d run away from his last foster home and it would probably remain until Michael could afford a place to live on his own.  He’d originally planned to be moving into a dorm in the next few weeks, but that was no longer an option.  He was needed here.

Naturally, his thoughts drifted back to Alex once he stepped under the stream of hot water.  Michael would never say it out loud, but there was a part of him that was jealous that Alex was getting away.  It wasn’t in the way he wanted to leave, but at least he’d be doing something that was bigger than Roswell.  Michael was nothing more than a bum.  That’s all he’d ever be.  

Yet, Alex still wanted to be married to that.  He wanted to legally bind himself to a deadbeat.  It brought back that giddy, undeserving feeling low in his stomach.  No one was that good.  Except Alex.  Beautiful, talented, brilliant Alex who loved him even though his father had tried to beat the love out.

Alex, who Michael was lying to.

Michael hated lies.  He’d surrounded himself in them and, with each day that passed, let them consume his soul a little more.  Alex was a grounding force and Michael feared the lies would swallow him whole once Alex was gone.  All that did was make him want to be honest with him even more.

They’d made a pact.  He, Isobel, and Max had promised they would tell no one, regardless of how much they wanted to.  It was for their own safety, no one could be trusted with something that serious.  No matter how much they loved them, no matter how much they promised not to tell, it would still be risky.  He didn’t want Alex to ever be put in a situation where he was being interrogated for information about aliens.

But he also didn’t want Alex to be married to someone and not even know that they’re not human.  Michael had amazing control over his powers after years of work, but shit happens and if Alex had to find out what he was due to him losing control, he would never forgive himself.  It felt like betrayal.

He needed to tell him.

“Why do you look like that?” Isobel asked as they sat on her bed.  Water droplets dripped from his hair and wet his shirt as Isobel tightly wrapped his hand with fresh gauze.  The external wounds had healed, but it still hurt to move it too much and he hated looking at it.  Alex did too.

“Like what?”

“Like… happy.” she smiled, raising her eyebrow.  “And you’ve got a hickey on your neck so I can only assume some girl made you look like that.”

“Who said it was a girl?” he asked.  Isobel paused, a smile slowly finding her face as she cocked her head to the side.

“Michael, are you trying to tell me something?” she asked.  He thought about telling her the truth, but that wasn’t really an option.  Admitting he was getting married would only make her mad that she wasn’t invited.  Besides, as exciting as it was, at the end of the day it was only so he would know if Alex got hurt or worse.  That was it.

“Nah, it’s not serious.” Isobel could take what she wanted from that.  She rested her hand on his cheek.

“If they make you happy, I don’t care who or what they are.  You deserve happiness, Michael.  No matter what you’ve done.” Isobel promised, her smile so sweet that he knew she couldn’t possibly mean what it sounded like.  But he couldn’t even manage a smile.  He just wanted Alex.  He never looked at him like that. Maybe he would if he knew his secret.

Maybe it was worth the risk.

“They do,” Michael said simply.  She smiled.

“Good,” Isobel stood to her feet and went towards the door so she could go get his clothes from the dryer.  “You know you can stay here if you want.  That truck can’t be comfortable.”

“Nah, it’s cool, I have stuff to do in the morning.  Don’t wanna wake you,” he said.  She nodded and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Michael leaned back against her headboard, his eyes following the ceiling fan.  He wanted to be happy and he wanted that with Alex.  The only way he could do that without any burdens for the rest of his life would be by telling Alex the truth.  Even if that meant risking his life or risking Alex never looking at him the same way, it would better than living a lie with the man he loved who had trusted him with unparalleled vulnerability. Alex would come to him beaten and crying and trusted him with that.  Michael could trust him with his secret too.

And that’s exactly what he planned to do.


	2. The Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> michael and alex drive to santa fe

Anxious fingertips tapped against the steering wheel.

Michael barely slept the night before even though he knew he had a long drive ahead of him.  He had made up his mind about telling Alex and he’d gone over a million different ways on how to say it without it upsetting him.  Well, there was no stopping the probability of him getting upset.  He was telling Alex something really, really serious.  He might get upset, he might leave, he might go tell his military dad, and Michael might end up cut open on a table with five guys in masks poking and prodding at his intestines.

But there was a chance he wouldn’t care and that chance made it worth it.

Alex threw open the car door and climbed inside at 6:30, not wasting a moment before he leaned over and caught Michael in a kiss.  The sun was still making its way to the sky but shined brightly enough.  No one was really around, so there was no shame in their slightly overwhelming good morning kiss.

“You’re early.” Alex mused as he rested his forehead against Michael’s.  Michael grinned helplessly, tracing his finger across Alex’s jaw slowly.  His hair laid flat against his forehead and there wasn’t a trace of makeup on his face, the imprint of his pillow still lining his cheek.  He clearly had jumped straight out of bed and ran here.  Was it possible to love him more?

“So are you,” he whispered, slowly moving in for another kiss.  He made sure to make it good, just in case, it was the last.  By the time Alex pulled away, his face was red and he looked dazed as hell.  Michael ran his thumb over the other boy’s lips.

“We get to do that all the time, huh?” Alex grinned, nudging their noses together.

“Alex,” Michael began softly, cupping his cheeks in his hands as he kept their foreheads together.  It was now or never.  “I gotta tell you something.”

His face dropped, “You-you don’t wanna get married?”

“No!  No, I do, I really, really do, that’s not it.” Michael promised, not moving from their close proximity.  He never wanted to.  “I just… I want you to know everything.  You deserve it, I trust you.  I trust you with… my biggest secret ever.” Well, the second biggest.  He wasn’t ready to admit to murder.  “If, if it ever came out and you didn’t know, I’d hate myself.  I don’t want you thinking I, like, betrayed you or lied to you or something.  You deserve to know.”

“Okay, what is it?” Alex said softly, his sweet face full of concern.  Michael closed his eyes, taking slow breaths as Alex moved to hold his face right back.  “It’s okay.”

“I-I’m… not from here,” he said softly.  Alex gave a soft laugh as his thumb rubbed over his cheek.

“I know, you were found in the desert,” Alex said.  Michael shook his head, trying to remember how to breathe properly.

“Promise you won’t freak out.” Michael pleaded softly, opening his eyes.  Alex’s eyebrows slowly pulling together.  He gripped Michael a little tighter.  “I… I’m not human.”

“That… that’s a really weird joke, Guerin,” he said softly, his grip loosening. Michael moved his hands to overlap Alex’s, holding them in place against his face.

“It’s not a joke.  I… I don’t actually know where I came from, but I’m not human.  I’m… an alien, I guess.” Michael whispered his voice more than a little shaky.  Emotions shifted through Alex’s eyes at high speed as he tried to process what he was being told.  He gave Alex’s wrists a little squeeze.  “You-you can ask me anything and I’ll do whatever I can to answer them.”

“I’m confused.  I don’t get what you’re saying.” Alex said, his hands going limp against his face.  Michael tried hard to keep them in place, but eventually, let him go.  Alex leaned back, staring forward as he processed the new information. Michael tried really hard not to take it personally.  “So… you’re not Michael?”

“No, no, I’m Michael.  Everything I’ve ever told you, everything I feel about you is 100% real.  Everything is real.  I just…  I’m not human.” Michael tried, watching Alex run his hands through his hair.  He didn’t run.  That has to be a good sign.

“Are you, like, a lizard in a human suit or something?” Alex asked. Michael cracked a smile, shaking his head.

“No, this is how I actually look.  I promise you, everything is real.” Michael explained.  Alex paused for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip as staring out the windshield.

“Okay, then how do you know that you’re not human?  I mean, you look human, you feel human, you said you don’t know where exactly you come from, so how do you know?” Alex asked, finally looking back at him.  Michael thought about reaching out but decided he’d let Alex make that move.  If he wanted to make that move.

“Well, my earliest memory is hatching out of a stasis pod,” Michael admitted, watching Alex’s eyes widen, “But mainly, I have powers.”

_”Powers?”_

“Well, one power.  I can…” Michael trailed over, slowly leading a water bottle from the backseat and opening it without touching it.

“Holy shit.” Alex breathed, staring at the bottle before staring at Michael.  “Who all knows?”

“No one,” Michael said softly, still trying to gauge Alex’s reaction. He hadn’t left, but he still seemed at least a little freaked out.  It was going as well as he could’ve rationally hoped.  “I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to become some government experiment and it’s really hard to find people to trust.  But I trust you and I love you and I would feel so, so bad if you found out some other way.”

“How else would I find out?” Alex asked softly.  He’d seemed to relax more in the front seat, fully facing Michael again.  It gave him a bit more hope.

“When I was younger, I used to kinda… lose control whenever I got angry.  I’m really good now, I’m not dangerous.  I-I never was, but, you know, just so you know… I’m not dangerous.” Michael said.  Alex nodded slowly, still taking it all in.  “If you don’t wanna get married anymore, I totally get it.  Seriously, I get it.  That’s why I wanted to tell you, so you had all the facts before… making it all official.”

Alex eyed him carefully, “You still love me?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“And everything you told me was real?  Down to even the small stuff, like why you left the group home and your favorite food?”

“Down to even that.”

“Then,” Alex said, reaching across and grabbing Michael’s hand in his.  Michael was pretty sure Alex had actually punched him in the face and this was a dream.  “I still wanna be with you.”

“Really?” Michael breathed, squeezing Alex’s hand tightly.   Alex smiled, leaning across the console and pressing his lips to Michael’s.  He felt like he could breathe again.  “Oh, dude, I was so scared you were gonna freak out.” Alex snorted a soft laugh, pressing a kiss to his nose and his cheek before sitting back in the seat.

“Guerin, you are the one thing in my life that gives me a little hope that shit gets better.  I don’t care of you’re an alien or a fucking vampire, as long as you were telling me the truth about everything.  And I think you were because you really did risk a lot by telling me with all my military connections.” Alex joked.  Michael knew it was a joke, but it definitely made him a little nervous.  That idea was scary.  He’d just given the perfect, horrific weapon to destroy him if things go bad.

He hoped things never got bad.

“So, you still wanna be my husband?”

“Yeah, Michael,” Alex laughed, giving him a smile that melted away all his nerves.

“Then let’s go.”

The drive was relatively quiet for a while as Alex messed with the radio until he found a solid station.  Michael looked over every once in a while as Alex hummed and carefully did his makeup in the sun visor while humming along to a song Michael had never heard before.  It felt so normal as if Michael hadn’t just admitted he was an alien and they weren’t on their way to get married.

“Okay, so let’s talk,” Alex said after he’d managed to do his eyeliner nicely while Michael was driving on the shitty Roswell roads.  “Got a lot of stuff to discuss before we’re lawfully wed.”

Excited chills ran down Michael’s spine at the playful tone in Alex’s voice, “Like what?”

“Like… how we should have an open marriage.” Alex said.  It took a lot to make sure he didn’t swerve off the road.

“What?  Alex‒”

“No, look, I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to even talk to you, much less  _see_  you again.  I don’t want you forcing yourself to be lonely because of me.  I’m not saying go start a whole second relationship, but… if you want to sleep with someone else, I’m not going to be angry.” Alex promised, his socked foot slinging over and landing in Michael’s lap.  He let his hand drop onto it, rubbing small circles into his ankle.

“Okay, fine.  Guess the same applies to you.  But don’t, like, fall in love with some buff Marine or some shit.” Michael said, pulling Alex’s leg up and placing a kiss over his sock all while never taking his eyes off the road.  Alex bubbled with laughter, the soft kind that made Michael feel weak.

“I’m not even joining the Marines!  If anything, it’ll be an Airman,” he teased.

“Hey!  That’s not funny!” Michael yelled,  the smile staying plastered on his face the whole time.  Alex leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his head before settling back.  “Okay, so, my turn.  When you  _do_  get to come back home, are you gonna stay with me?  Or are we gonna have to keep up appearances of us not being together and you stay with your dad?  Because I am gonna get a place and stuff.  For us, if you want.”

“Yeah, I want that.  Look, I know this is just so you’ll know if I get hurt, but I really want to come home to you.  I want to write you or call you when I know my dad isn’t gonna hurt you for it.  I want a life with you, Guerin, so  _of course_ , I want to live with you.” Alex insisted and Michael held his leg a little closer.

Michael didn’t want to admit how much he dreamed of living with Alex.  There were so many unspoken promises that came with a marriage, like having a sink with two toothbrushes in the same cup or setting a place for two at the table or doing the dishes together or cuddling up together to watch a movie and falling asleep on the couch without any worries of being caught.  They were small, but Michael had never had anything like that before.  There were a million little intimate things that made Michael excited for a life with Alex.  His excitement stayed as long as he ignored that Alex would be gone for most of it.

“So, uh, straying a little bit from the marriage topic, you said I could ask anything about you being a fuckin’ Xenomorph,” Alex said lightly, nudging his foot against Michael’s stomach.  Each time Alex spoke about it like it wasn’t a big deal made him feel a little more loved, a little more wanted. “Are you the only one?” his tone had taken a more serious turn and Michael but his lip.

“Uh,” Michael paused, debating if he should out Max and Isobel.  He had been the one to break their pact, it felt a little wrong to put them on the line too.  However, he found it hard to lie to Alex. He’d have to compromise.  “No, it wasn’t just me.”

“Let me guess: Isobel Evans?” Alex said.  Michael’s lack of response proved to give him his answer.  “Yeah, thought so.”

Michael snorted, “What do you mean,  _’thought_  so’?”  

“Well, it was either that or you’re fucking because there’s no way a girl like that hangs out with a guy like you unless you’re related or you’re banging,” Alex said as if that wasn’t the grossest thing he’d ever said. Michael screwed up his face in disgust.

“Dude, why are those the only options?!”

“You give off bad boy vibes and pretty rich girls like that.  I really just assumed you were screwing for a long time, it’s why I kept my distance.” Alex admitted.  Michael glanced over at him with a wild smile.

“Seriously?  You’re telling me I could’ve had more time with you but you thought I was screwing my sister?”

“In my defense, literally no one knows you’re siblings,” Alex laughed, “But yeah, I was really convinced you were straight.  You don’t exactly  _seem_  gay, Guerin.”  

“‘Cause I’m not.” He didn’t have to look over at Alex to know he was raising an accusing eyebrow.  “Been doing some research.  Bisexual is the word.”

“Ah, okay.  But I didn’t know that either, thought you were straight.” Alex said.  Michael hummed in response, wishing he wasn’t going 75 MPH down the interstate so he could be giving Alex more attention.  Holding his foot didn’t feel like enough.

“What helped convince you I wasn’t?  Was it the kiss or the sex?  Or did you still think we were just buds until I agreed to marry you?” Michael asked.

“Oh, shut up!” Alex teased, scooting closer and peppering kisses down his neck and over his shoulder.  How was he supposed to focus on the road when that was happening?  That was hard as hell.

Eventually, Alex stopped with the kisses and just rested his head on his shoulder.  It was a sweet reminder that they got to have a whole 24 or so hours of this.  They were headed to a city where no one knew them, they could hold hands walking down the street and they could eat out and play footsie beneath the table. Sure, they might garner some negative attention, but honestly, anything was better than worrying about his dad. Besides, even if they couldn’t find the courage to hold hands, they could spend the whole night cuddle up and doing whatever they wanted in the privacy of their own room.   That sounded so good.   _Their_  room.

“So what about last names?” Michael said after a moment of silence, “I don’t know how I feel about being a Manes Man, but it’d piss your dad off and I’d be down for that.” Alex snorted, pressing another kiss to his shoulder.

“As great as that sounds, we can’t change our names because my dad’ll find out and that’s exactly what I don’t want,” Alex said.  Michael squeezed his leg again and tried not to think too much about the position Alex was slumped in.  He was a little too cute for the average man to handle.

“We don’t have to do it legally, it can be just between us.  And I know the Manes family name has a whole lot of history, so I’m assuming you wouldn’t want to change it.” Michael said simply.  However, Alex let his fingertips walk down his arm and led down to where it laid against his leg, wrapping his hand over Michael’s.

“I’d prefer to take yours, actually.”

“Why?  Guerin doesn’t mean shit. It’s what they gave me when no one wanted me.” Michael scoffed, letting his head tilt to rest against Alex’s.

“To me, the name Manes just ties me to a group of people I don’t want to be associated with.  I hate that I’m supposed to be a Manes Man, I hate that I’m expected to join the military.  I just want to be Alex, I don’t want all the shit that comes with the name Manes.” Michael didn’t fail to notice that he cleverly left out that the name was also conveniently tied to the people who hurt him the worst.  “You’re right that the name Guerin doesn’t mean much.  But it means you and it means hope and it means something we can turn into meaning family and love.  It’s a starting point with no expectations but the ones we want.”

Michael’s heart swelled with adoration.  He’d made the right decision.  Marrying Alex, trusting Alex, deciding to build a slightly unconventional life with Alex.  No one else could make him feel like that, no one in the world.  He didn’t know how to handle it.

“Okay, we can do that,” Michael said softly, clearing his throat as he tried to suppress the urge to pull over to make out with him.  He didn’t know how else to respond to what Alex had just said.  “But Alex Guerin sounds kinda weird.   _Alexander_  Guerin, however.” Teasing worked.

“I swear to God, if you start calling me Alexander, I’m going to divorce you.” Alex laughed.  Michael took a slow breath as he smiled uncontrollably.

He got to have this.  This was all his.  No one could take it from him.  Even if they wouldn’t be able to speak, it didn’t matter.  Alex would come home to him.  This was it.  Fuck whoever was in the sky that had yet to come back for him, they didn’t matter anymore.  He had Alex.  He didn’t need anything else.

“Guess you’re gonna have to divorce me then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


	3. The Vows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a ceremony and a wedding night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few mentions of child abuse and a debatably more painful description of a wedding

Michael looked good.  Like ‘holy fuck how am I supposed to keep my hands to myself’ good.

 

Alex had always known Michael was attractive, it was a hard thing to miss, but it was usually in a rugged way.  Unkempt hair, torn up clothes, the strong smell of must that was just made tolerable by deodorant if he’d gone without a shower too many days in a row.  But today, their wedding day, he’d gone all out.

 

They’d checked into the motel room, courtesy of Jesse Manes, at around noon after they’d had lunch together for the first time in public.  They didn’t work up the courage to hold hands, there were too many people around, but their knees touching beneath the table felt like a big enough step.  

 

Regardless, they’d taken some time to get a little bit dressy before heading to the courthouse. That was when Michael had strolled out of the bathroom looking so good with his hair all tamed and his button up shirt all the way up tucked into tight jeans with a bawdy belt buckle, all tied up with a black cowboy hat.  Alex had never really imagined himself with a cowboy, but Michael pulled it off so well that he proved to be an exception.

 

That being said, it took a little bit longer than planned to get to the courthouse due to one or both of them seriously lacking self-control, but they eventually made it.  Now, they stood across from each other in front of a justice of the peace. 

 

Alex watched as Michael mindlesslessly bounced on his toes, adoration filling every inch of his body.  That was the man he got to marry. The hyper, giddy telekinetic alien cowboy of his clearly oddly specific dreams.  Alex couldn’t be more satisfied.

 

Ideally, all their friends would’ve been there and they would’ve gotten a proper honeymoon and then gotten to go home together to wake up each morning in the same bed forever.  That fantasy, however, included them actually planning a wedding and being a bit older. This would have to suffice. And it did. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy, this carefree.  All because of him. 

 

“You boys ready?” the JP asked.  They hadn’t actually gotten her name.  Or maybe they had and Alex just had been too focused on his future husband’s tight jeans.  Did he mention Michael looked great?

 

“Yeah,” Alex said at the same time Michael had promised an “absolutely”. 

 

And, with heavy breaths, they joined hands.

 

Alex admitted struggled to keep up with what the woman was saying.  He’d always struggled with paying attention. Every movement and sound would steal his attention, usually driven by paranoia.  His father would be loud with threats and slamming things, or he could be silent with swift aggression. Alex had become so accustomed to unwarranted attacks that he was strikingly aware of his surroundings at all times.  It never bothered Michael when mid-conversation he would look off into the distance. He’d just sit quietly until he came back.

 

The woman officiating their wedding, however, didn’t have that practice.

 

“Alex,” Michael whispered as he squeezed his hand, amused eyes meeting his as he was dragged back into reality.  

 

She was speaking, “...will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, abundance and delight will mark it.”  Alex felt his face burn as he realized he’d almost zoned out during one of the most important parts. “Alex, please repeat after me.  I, Alexander Manes, take you, Michael Guerin, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  I will love you all the days of my life.”

 

Alex repeated her words line by line even though he felt a little sick having to go first.  It was like being the first one to present a project in class, only it was saying literal marriage vows.  What if he fumbled? What if he embarrassed himself? What if Michael laughed at him and said it was all a joke?  Of course, that’s not what happened. Michael spent the whole time smiling so wide it had to be painful, squeezing Alex’s hand, and bouncing up and down on his toes.  It was the whole package that made it easier. 

 

Once it was Michael’s turn, Alex was seconds away from exploding.  Michael had given Alex countless heartfelt confessions, but hearing the simplistic vows made him feel gooey inside.  It didn’t feel real, it felt more like a daydream he’d probably had when doodling his name into the margins of his notebook during AP Gov.  But here he was, saying those things and making it even harder to think about when they would have to say goodbye.

 

“Alexander, do you have any special words you’d like to say?” she asked.  Alex glanced at Michael and thought of all the romantic things he’d ever said and decided now was a better time than any to get his own piece.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Alex said, gulping softly as he looked Michael in the eye.  Michael raised his eyebrows and traced his bottom lip with his tongue, settling his bouncing toes long enough to give Alex his full attention.   _Time to pull some romantic shit out of your ass._ “Uh, I’m not really good at the romantic proclamations, that’s more your forte, but… Okay, so when I was little I wasn’t really allowed to watch TV because my dad was one of those people who thought it was rotting your brain, but I _did_ watch it when I got to visit my grandma.  She basically only watched, like, soap operas and really old movies that were boring as hell. Well, most of them were boring, but every once in awhile West Side Story would come on. I remember the first time I ever watched it because it was just, just a lot. It was so inspiring to me musically and artistically and I just loved it. So, so much.”

 

Michael grinned, “Didn’t know that.”

 

“Shut up, it’s still my turn,” Alex insisted, his face heating up even more as he gently kicked Michael’s leg and let his eyes focus more on the floor, “There’s this scene in it, the One Hand, One Heart scene and from the first time I saw it, I was captivated.  Like, it’s easily the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I knew right then that that was what I wanted. I dreamed of having a love that was that encompassing, a love that made it so hard to be apart that you’d resort to having a wedding in a bridal shop in the dark as long as it meant being together.  A love that was so strong that there was no silencing it, you had to tell that person regardless of the consequences. I never thought I’d ever actually find it. But then I met you. You make me feel so loved and wanted and cared for and hopeful. Every time I’m not with you, I want to be. I want to sing songs about you in the streets no matter what anyone says.  It’s why I’m here right now with you because I’d rather elope with you than ever have to lose you. The lyrics of it say it,  _ ’now it begins, now we start, one hand, one heart. Even death won’t part us now’.  _ And that’s it.  That’s us. You’re my dream, my future, my heart, no matter what.” Alex finished with a deep breath, finally looking back up to Michael.  His cocky face had softened into something sweeter than he’d ever seen, his confidence placed to the side as he let a shy smile take over his red-tinted face. “Was that okay?”

 

Alex was a little lightheaded. Admitting something so personal was physically draining and nerve-wracking and almost embarrassing.  He grew a greater appreciation for Michael and his willingness to be so open and honest. Honestly, he found himself loving him more just talking about it.  Maybe that’s why Michael did it so often. It amplified things once they were taken well‒it felt good. Exhausting, but good. 

 

“That was great,” the JP said with a smile, “Michael?  Do you have any words?”

 

“Well, nothin’ I say’s gonna top that, but I’ll try to find something,” Michael said, rocking up onto his toes as he tried to gather his confidence.  He shot Alex a wink and that charming little smile. Self-control played her part at keeping Alex from stepping closer. “Alex, you know me. You know things about me that absolutely no one else in the world knows.  I am open and bare when it comes to you. It scared me at first because I didn’t get it. I didn’t get why I felt that way around you like I was just drawn to you. I needed your attention all the damn time and even when things got… bad, I still just wanted you around me.  I don’t have much to offer, I’m not rich and I’m annoying which is a bad pair, but you take it. You take what I have with nothing but love. I never really had a family until I met you. You’re my family. Just like you said, you’re my future and my heart and you’re everything.  Just… everything.” He ended up with a sigh, looking over to the JP with a wild smile. Alex rolled his eyes as fondly as possible.

 

“You’re absolutely my family,” Alex added softly, squeezing his hand once more.  Again, that sweet smile. Could it be kissing time already?

 

“Do you boys have rings?” she asked.  Alex didn’t expect anything in the form of a ring from Michael.  They hadn’t actually talked about rings and they had decided so last minute that there hadn’t been much time to worry about that.  Alex did, however, think about it and the fact that Michael’s left hand wasn’t exactly in a good shape for rings. In lieu of a ring, he’d taken the key that had been for his locker during school and put it on one of his chains.

 

Alex was digging in his pocket for it only to be shocked to see Michael doing the same thing.

 

“I don’t really have money, so I just made you one.  If it doesn’t fit, I’ll fix it.” Michael said, that same mischievous glint in his eye as he pulled out a silver band.  Something burst in Alex’s chest, tuning out everything else as fireworks sang in his ears. He _made_ him a ring. Alex couldn’t even fathom how he managed to do that and make it look that good.  God, he made him a ring!

 

It was something he would have to take with him when he left.

 

“Uh, I-I figured you couldn’t wear one, so I have this,” Alex said, pulling the chain from his pocket.  It felt minuscule in comparison. Yet, regardless of how lame it was, Michael’s entire face lit up. Alex had to wonder if anyone had given him anything before, or put in enough consideration to know he couldn’t wear rings.  He made a personal note to dote on Michael as often as he could.

 

The JP began speaking again, “...and the unending circle symbolizes that your love may never cease.  Alexander, as you place the ri‒ _necklace_ on Michael, please repeat after me: Michael, I give you this ring, as a symbol of my love.  I ask you to wear it as a sign to the world that you are my husband. With this _necklace_ , I thee wed.”

 

Michael took off his hat, pressing it to his chest and he bowed his head to let Alex slip the chain onto him.  His heart thudded hard against his chest as did so, Michael turning his head just enough to graze a soft kiss against his arm.  “I thee wed.”

 

When it was his turn, Michael repeated the same words and slipped the ring onto Alex’s finger.  His hands were shaky and he almost dropped it twice which had filled the room with their laughter, but he eventually slipped it on.

 

The rest of the ceremony could not move fast enough.  Alex didn’t really want it to be over, but he _did_ want to get his husband naked.  They had even stripped the motel room from its gross sheets and blankets and replaced it with the newly clean blankets from Michael’s truck that he’d washed sometime during the night.  He couldn’t wait to be wrapped up with him all night with no worries.

 

Their ‘I do’s came and went.  When Alex heard ‘kiss the groom’, he thought he’d died and gone to heaven.  That was the only phrase that mattered. They kept their kiss quick and signed the few papers they had to sign to make it all official even quicker.  They barely made it back to the truck before they slammed into each other, frantically happy kisses being shared.

 

“I can’t fucking believe I have a husband,” Michael laughed against his lips, cradling his face like it was the only thing that mattered.  Alex’s hands were admittedly wandering and he really wanted to get back to the motel room. He had fully intended to memorize every inch of Michael Guerin’s body along with the way he smelled and the way he spoke.  He refused to forget anything about this man who he loved more than anything.

 

“Me neither.” 

 

The motel was only fifteen minutes away, but it felt like an eternity.  None of it felt real. Alex Manes: eighteen, future Airman, _husband_. Who the fuck would’ve thought that would describe him?

 

He hadn’t lied during his vows, he had genuinely spent his entire life idolizing an undying love that was as overwhelming as it was for Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria.  He never thought he’d actually get it. He had a little hope until he started realizing that actually couldn’t happen. His father had tried to beat the gay out of him before he even knew that’s what it was.  It took him too long to realize it, a good few years spent in denial and trying to conform to his dad’s wishes.

 

It wasn’t until the summer after ninth grade when he’d been shipped off to a military summer camp that he realized there was no turning back.  A gorgeous 16-year-old future Marine named Emmett had spent most of the time he could trying to catch Alex’s attention. Alex thought it was weird at first, he couldn’t figure out why some guy wouldn’t leave him alone.  His mind had been warped into thinking that it wasn’t okay, that it was something perverse. But eventually, he found himself wanting to spend all of his free time with Emmett as well, laughing and talking and standing closer than they really should’ve. It wasn’t until Emmett had pulled him to the side on the last night of camp that all the fuzziness in Alex’s mind had cleared up.  Something about another boy’s mouth against his made him feel alive for the first time in a long time.

 

That feeling had mulled in his mind for weeks until he realized _that_ wasn’t wrong. His dad was the wrong one in this situation.  There was nothing gross about how he felt, there was nothing perverse about having a crush, there was nothing morally corrupt about being in love.  And now, now that he was absolutely lost in love with a man who was smart and special and beautiful, there was no doubt in his mind that this was right.  This was so, so right.

 

“Alexander Guerin, what a fuckin’ name.” Michael cooed, holding Alex close by his waistband as he fumbled to unlock the door to their room.  It was a little too bright outside for Alex to go in for a kiss, but he still let his fingers mess with the belt around Michael’s waist. “My husband Alexander Guerin.  Fuck me.” Michael laughed his disbelief as he finally got into the room.

 

Still, Alex smiled, “I will gladly.” 

 

Alex was once again reminded just how right he was whenever he found himself hovering over Michael’s naked body.  Michael looked good all dolled up, but he looked best when he was comfortable and bare. It made it that much better whenever Alex realized he had stripped off everything but the chain around his neck.  When he eventually rolled over, the imprint of the key had pressed itself into his chest. Alex would be lying if he said that didn’t make him love him a little bit more.

 

“I liked your vows, Alexander.  Don’t know if I mentioned that.” Michael said softly as he pulled Alex’s sweaty body against his. Alex draped his leg over Michael’s thighs, allowing himself to snuggle close.  He didn’t plan to let go of Michael until he was forced to. He needed to soak in every minute he could get.

 

He was leaving way too soon.

 

“Please stop calling me Alexander,” Alex argued, closing his eyes.  When he opened them again, he witnessed Michael floating the remote to the TV into his hand.  That was going to take some getting used to.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“So, is that all you can do?” Alex asked, getting distracted.  Well, not completely distracted, his hands were still rubbing up and down the man he could now call his husband.

 

“Uh, I mean, I have a weird, kinda psychic-y bond with Max and Izzy, but pretty much it, yeah,” Michael said, not even bothering to turn the TV on as he moved to face Alex.  The fingers of his good hand ran through his hair and Alex was sure the sweat in it was helping it stick straight up. He didn’t mind.

 

“They can do the same thing?”

 

“No, it’s kinda like we have specialties.  Izzy can, like, get in people’s head, reads their minds.  Like they don’t know when she’s there, but they can’t lie.  She can even influence them to do something if she tries really hard,” Michael murmured, his eyes avoiding Alex’s just long enough to be concerning.  Alex went to ask if she ever did something bad with it, but Michael was already speaking again. “Max’s thing is with electricity, but he has literally no control.  He gets one strong feeling and he causes a fucking power outage.”

 

“Wait, is he the one that caused the power outage in school a couple of years ago?” Alex asked, the amusement of it all taking over any negativity that came from speaking about Isobel.  The amusement amped up to laughter whenever Michael nodded.

 

“Liz Ortecho touched his hair and he fucking lost it,” Michael laughed, moving his hand down to pull Alex closer.  If Alex had a choice, he’d have Michael’s grip burned into his skin. “Nah, but he also can heal which is cool when dumb shit happens like that time I almost lost my foot to farm equipment.”

 

Alex smiled, but it didn’t last long.  Especially when he caught sight of the gauze wrapped hand that was laying against his chest.   His eyes focused on it. He knew how bad it was. Michael never talked much about it and he definitely didn’t go without it being covered in some way, but Alex knew it was bad.  Sometimes when they were making out, he could feel the spasms that it had. Other times he’d seen Michael just flinch in pain that it caused him if he moved it a certain way or too often.  Alex knew that it was his fault that Michael was suffering. Yet, now he was hearing there was a way to stop it and that Michael hadn’t taken it.

 

“Wait, he has _healing_ _hands_?” Alex asked softly.  Michael nodded simply, letting his eyes close as he leaned in for a kiss.  Alex didn’t reciprocate. “Okay, so why didn’t he heal your hand? Why is it still messed up?  If he can heal you, why is he letting you suffer?” Alex sat up, his stomach tied in knots. For a moment he felt almost as bad as he did that night.

 

“Alex,” Michael began softly, sitting up with him, “He offered to, I told him no.”  Alex couldn’t see his own face, but he was sure it portrayed just how horrified he felt from hearing that.

 

“Why?  Why would you tell him _no_ to fix that?” Alex demanded, his voice coming out shaky.  Tears burned at his eyes and his chest began to burn too. He couldn’t get a good breath.  “Why do you want to look at that? I hate it. I hate looking at it. I-I hate it. I did that to you.  Oh my god, why did you marry me?” Michael’s hand went to his shoulder.

 

“Alex, c’mon, you‒” Alex pushed him off, climbing out of the bed.

 

“No, stop trying to comfort me!  Why didn’t you let him heal you? Why do you want that on you?  Why-why are you with me if you want that on you? Why did you marry me _knowing_ I’m the reason you’re mutilated?” 

 

Sometime during his pacing and rambling, Michael grabbed his hips and made him stop and look at him. Alex wanted to tell him to let go, to stop comforting him when he didn’t deserve it, but Michael looked more serious than he’d ever seen him.  He let him speak.

 

“Alex, too many people have seen the hand already.  If he fixes it, it’ll get attention that I don’t want.  I’m not risking getting found out because of something that I can handle just fine,” Michael said softly, moving his hands up to cup Alex’s face, “And it’s not your fault. It is completely on your father, not you.  I don’t blame you. I will never, ever, ever blame you for that. Alex, you are not your father.” The words were said with such sincerity that he almost believed it.

 

“Okay,” Alex whispered as Michael rested his forehead on his own.  Alex let out a slow breath, letting himself completely trust this boy.  This man.

 

“I married you because I love you.  Because I want to be able to see you and love you and be told if you’re hurt.  I want the dedication that comes with it, with you. You are my family, Alex. and I will love you until I die.  You can yell, you can try to push me away, you can hurt me. None of it will make me stop loving you. It’s you, Alex, it’s always gonna be you.” Michael promised.  Alex let his eyes flutter closed, closing the little space left between them.

 

This kiss was a little different from the other ones they shared today.  It was slower and filled with a little less giddiness from before. Instead, it was confirmation.  It was sealing his words, his promises with a kiss. A kiss that made him forget his name and that he was upset.

 

It was admittedly jarring to really register that Alex had his own family now.  Not one that hurt him, not one that he had to lie to, but one built on honesty and trust.  He never wanted to lose it and it scared him to think that all the time they’d be spending apart in their future might cause exactly that to happen. 

 

Michael eventually pulled out of the kiss, ending it with a soft peck on his nose and resting his head on Alex’s.  He was still holding his face and Alex leaned into it, absorbing the positive energy that was coming off of Michael.  That’s what he wanted to remember.

 

“I got us somethin’,” Michael said softly.  Alex eyed him wearily which caused one of that take-out-the-sun smiles.  “Don’t look at me like that, _Guerin_.”

 

Usually, when Michael let go, Alex would be left feeling cold, but this time he was too fuzzy with joy from the name to notice.  He sat back on the bed. Michael went to the table where his bag that held basically everything he owned sat. He pulled out something wrapped in his shirt, unraveling it to reveal a bottle of wine.

 

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Uh huh, and where did you get that from?” Mischief doused Michael’s boyish features as he approached Alex again.  His knees went on either side of Alex’s bare thighs as he sat on his lap, the bottle of wine grazing his back as Michael draped his arms around his neck.

 

Alex was scared he was going to run out of space with all the things he needed to remember about Michael Guerin whenever he left.  This went to the top of the list.

 

“The Evans’ cellar.”

 

Alex’s eyes went wide as he laughed, “Dude, you can’t just steal shit.” He grabbed Michael’s hips, holding him in place.

 

“Says the guy who took _how_ much from his father, hmm?” Michael teased, bumping Alex’s nose with his own and resting their foreheads together.  “No, but I really just wanted to celebrate with you since we don’t get a real honeymoon and they have a whole cellar, they really won’t notice. I even took the cheapest bottle they had, I checked.” Alex pecked his lips.

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

Michael grinned and hopped off his lap.  That time it _did_ leave him feeling cold.  Still, he watched as Michael grabbed the little plastic cups beside the sink.  Alex smiled helplessly as Michael hummed and moved his hips as he poured the wine into the cups. If this was a glimpse of what it would be like when they lived together, Alex couldn’t wait.  

 

Alex took one of the cups from his hands as Michael placed a kiss to the top of his head.  An involuntary hum vibrated in his throat, his eyes lingering on Michael’s bare ass as he took a sip of the wine.  Michael went back to his bag which was really a let down since Alex was hoping for more kisses. That let down was replaced with confusion when he pulled out a bottle of nail polish remover and that confusion quickly morphed into momentary horror when he began trying to pour it into the wine.

 

“What are you doing?” Alex demanded.  Michael looked over his shoulder at him and it seemed to take him a minute before he even realized that what he was doing was weird.  

 

“Oh!  My bad, I’m not used to drinking with people who are, like, human,” Michael laughed which did _nothing_ to soothe Alex’s concern.  “Acetone is like a drug, I guess, to us. Kills our pain and stuff, but it’s easy to use it a little more recreationally. Usually, I drink it straight, but mixed with alcohol isn’t bad either.” he explained.  Alex nodded slowly. Somehow, that was the weirdest alien fact he’d discovered in the last day.

 

“So, as many questions that I will ask about that later, I just want you to know I will actually not kiss you if you drink that,” Alex said, pointing a finger at him.  Michael had the audacity to look insulted. “Don’t look at me like that, Guerin, I’m not about to make out with nail polish remover. You drink that and you’re not getting near my face until you brush your teeth, like, 20 times.”

 

Michael seemed to weigh his options, but, after a minute, he sighed and screwed the top back on.  Alex rolled his eyes when his husband sulked back to him, dropping dramatically on the bed and miraculously not spilling a drop of the drink in his hand.

 

“You’re no fun.”

 

“I don’t want you fucked up anyway, so I don’t feel bad,” Alex laughed, sipping on the wine before placing it on the side table and moving to lay against Michael’s chest.  He liked how easy it was to get comfortable against his body. It was like he was meant to be there.

 

Michael let it go with a soft smile, pushing his damaged hand through Alex’s hair.  “I meant what I said in my vows, I hope you know that. Well, hope you _believe_ it. You are my family.”

 

“I believe everything you say to me.” Alex insisted, feeling Michael physically relax at his words.  “You’re my family too, no matter what happens. Even if we divorce or go a million years without speaking, you’re my family.  You’re it, Michael Guerin.” Alex wasn’t even phased when his back hit the bed and Michael’s cup floated to the table. 

 

Suddenly, he really knew what happy felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


	4. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maria throws a party. alex says goodbye.

Alex did not have enough friends in high school to explain the number of people that turned up to his going away party.  He’d only hung out with Maria, Liz, and Rosa. Rosa was dead and Liz had left without saying goodbye. That meant the party _should’ve_ just been the Delucas.

 

Instead, her house was spilling with people. 

 

“I don’t even know half these people,” Alex laughed over the music as he leaned into Maria with a beer in hand.  His eyes had been mindlessly searching for Michael since the moment people started showing up. He had only seen him twice since they got back from Santa Fe and it hadn’t been enough.  He was missing him so much already, it was actually painful to think that in less than 24 hours he’d be on a plane.

 

“That’s the point!  Just enjoy the party!” Maria yelled back, hugging him around the neck.  When she pulled him close, she put her mouth by his ear. “I wanted to make sure Museum Guy came.  Spare room’s all yours tonight, so I expect you to get some use out of it. Won’t even bother you until you text me that he’s gone in the morning.” 

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Alex said, but his standard level of appreciation for Maria was quickly skyrocketing.  His body loosened at the prospect of having another night with Michael. He was scared Santa Fe would be it. 

 

“No, I’m a good friend!  One last night with your _love_ ,” she teased, hip-bumping him as she let go.  The world must’ve been working in Alex’s favor, too, because he finally caught sight of Michael.  Only, Max and Isobel were also in tow. “Oh, God, who let them come in here?” 

 

Alex grabbed her arm before she could approach them, “Let ‘em stay.  Let’s not cause drama.” Alex still wasn’t completely sure what her issue with them, or, mostly Isobel, was, but he didn’t want to risk Michael leaving.  He was going to get this last night with him if it killed him.

 

“Fine, fine.  You have fun tonight, Alex!  Let loose!” she pressured. Part of him wanted to make a quip about him being a married man, but he decided it against it.  That wasn’t public information. He’d already had to deal with Maria pointing out his new ring.

 

“Alright, I will.”

 

Alex kept his distance from Michael, but they stayed in each other’s line of sight.  He didn’t want to raise suspicion and risk outing Michael or, even worse, putting him on his dad’s radar again somehow.  Besides, he remembered Michael saying Isobel was a mind reader and he literally wouldn’t know if she got in his head. Then their marriage would absolutely not be very secretive.

 

However, Alex still needed to figure out how to get him to stay with him tonight.  Michael didn’t have a phone, so he’d have to actually talk to him in front of people.  It had his stomach tying in knots. The only time they’d actually spoken in front of people was at prom and that didn’t really count.  Michael was just saving him from getting in trouble. Or getting ganged up on. This was at a party, and this was when he had the human shields of Max and Isobel Evans.

 

So, after downing his beer, he made his way towards the inseparable trio.

 

Isobel was the first to spot him and didn’t even try to hide the protective glare she sent his way.  Alex managed to just give a smile and a nod as he stepped in front of Michael. He hated having to be aware of the space he put between them, but he didn’t want to risk it.  Michael hadn’t told them‒there was probably a reason for that.

 

“Uh, hey, Guerin.  Can I talk to you for a minute?” Alex asked, his eyes darting from Isobel to Max then back to Michael who had mischief in his eyes.  He seemed to completely unaware of the fact his siblings were silently threatening him. Alex prayed to whoever might be listening that Isobel wasn’t in his head.

 

“You can talk to him right here, I think.  Don’t you think, Max?” Isobel asked.

 

“Yeah,” Max answered simply.  Alex had spoken to Max a few times during high school, but it was mainly small snide comments about Kyle more than anything.  He seemed different now than he did then. Alex pushed aside that uncomfortable feeling, settling his eyes on Michael who was grinning wildly.  That was comforting.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Michael said to them and Alex nearly sighed with relief out loud.  Alex led the way to the guest bedroom down the hall. The moment the door closed behind them, Michael dove in for a kiss.  “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too,” Alex agreed, kissing him back just as lovingly.  Whenever they pulled apart, Michael didn’t let him go. His hands stayed on his hips and his forehead rested against Alex’s.  Heat bloomed in Alex’s chest as he stared at the beautiful man he called his husband. “Maria is basically forcing me to take this room as my own for the night in ensure I get laid before I go.  Do you wanna stay with me?”

 

When Michael opened his eyes, there was nothing short of excitement in them.

 

“Yeah, absolutely,” he breathed, “But, like, is that a good idea?  What if Maria finds out?”

 

“She won’t, she’ll be upstairs probably with that guy she’s been seeing, think his name’s like Chad or something,” Alex said, playing with the curls at the base of his neck, “I just didn’t want to waste the opportunity to have another night with you.”

 

“I want that too,” Michael insisted, giving him another kiss.

 

“Isobel looked like she was going to actually kill me,” Alex laughed.  Michael smiled as he rolled his eyes, pressing another kiss to his lips.

 

“That’s just Isobel.  She’s probably going to never shut up about what you wanted to talk to me about, though,” he murmured.  Alex cupped his cheek, his thumb rubbing over his cheek.

 

“If you wanna tell her, you can,” Alex murmured as Michael’s eyes widened, “Maybe not the whole Marriage of Convenience thing, but that we’re seeing each other.  If you’re out and comfortable with it, then I really don’t mind.” 

 

Michael smiled, “Thank you, but I think that’d only piss her off.”

 

“What, she has a problem with you being into guys?” Alex asked, defense rising in his voice.  Amusement lit up Michael’s eyes as she shook his head, laughter spilling from his lips.

 

“No!  No, she doesn’t mind, seriously.  It’s specifically because it’s you and you’re friends with Liz,” Michael said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  But it wasn’t, not to Alex, and he felt his eyebrows tug together.

 

“What’s wrong with Liz?” Alex asked. Within a split second, Michael’s smile dropped and his whole face screamed ‘I fucked up’.  Concern filled his body a little more each moment that passed without an answer. “Hey, what happened to honesty? What’s wrong with Liz?”

 

Michael shook it off, “N-nothing, she just broke Max’s heart and they’re still petty about it.  Nothing’s wrong with her. Nothing’s wrong with you. And I’ll think about telling them, thank you.” He moved in for a kiss and Alex tried to let the concern drift away.  He trusted Michael. If that’s what he said was the truth, then that was the truth. “You-you can tell Maria if you want.”

 

“Okay,” Alex said softly, rubbing his thumb over Michael’s cheek.  Something was off. Alex couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but it was _something_.  He didn’t want to push anything by furthering the conversation. “So we’ll meet here later?  You’ll stay?”

 

“Baby, you’ll have to drag me out by my feet,” Michael breathed.  That familiar burst of emotion bloomed in Alex’s chest at the pet name and his previous worries flew out the window.  He pulled Michael’s lips to his own, absorbing the sweetness of his company for a moment longer before they had to rejoin society.

 

Alex watched him for the rest of the night, standing close with Isobel and Max.  Maria had asked him more than once if Museum Guy had turned up and he would find a way to avoid answering.  Regardless of Michael having given him the green light to tell her, he was just as reluctant as he was about telling the Evans twins.  Maria hated Isobel with a fiery passion. He wasn’t really up to saying he was seeing Isobel’s best friend. Or brother. What exactly were they again?

 

“Maria, thank you so much for this party,” Alex said after he had a couple of beers in his system and Michael was now standing alone.  He was so fucking ready to get him naked. He was going to make the most of their last night together. “But I’m gonna go get laid.”

 

“Wait, he’s here?!” Maria asked excitedly.

 

“He’s been here,” Alex admitted, not even shy anymore as he made eye contact with Michael and gestured with his head towards the hall.  He agreed with a smile. Alex could barely take a step before Maria grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

 

“Michael Guerin?  You’re hooking up with Michael Guerin?  I’m sorry, _what_?” Maria said, amused eyes trained on him as he kept trying to lock eyes with his husband again.  Ah, that still sounds so good. His thumb stroked the ring around his finger. “How the fuck did you get Michael Guerin?  He’s so-so… like grimy in a really hot way.”

 

Alex snorted, “Trust me, I know.” 

 

“Dude, if I knew it was Guerin, I wouldn’t have been giving his sister death stares all night,” Maria said, barely looking guilty.  Alex’s eyes drifted to where Michael stood at the entrance of the hall. He was leaning against the wall, his head tilted back and giving him that slightly glazed over look as his tongue dragged over his bottom lip at an achingly slow pace.  Alex forgot what the hell was even happening. _That’s_ what he married. Maybe there is a God after all.

 

Maria shook him back to life.

 

“Yeah, Isobel’s a bitch,” Alex said absentmindedly, hoping he was on track of what she’d been saying.  He was more than a little appreciative of Maria and he didn’t want to blow her off, but he also would have a much easier way to contact her when he was gone.  She had a phone for one.

 

“Okay, okay, go get your man,” Maria said, glancing over her shoulder towards him, “Damn, literally go get him before someone else does.  Dude literally looks like a living wet dream.” 

 

“I know,” Alex nearly giggled, pride bursting in his chest.  He was allowed that pride now and it was so much fun when he could share it.  “Fuck, man, he’s so hot.”

 

“I can see that, and he’s only got eyes for _you_!  So go and have fun! But not too much fun,“ Maria paused for a second, “Actually, too much fun.  You’re going to war soon‒go fuck until it kills you.”

 

She didn’t have to tell him twice.

 

“Thank you, Maria, seriously,” Alex said, kissing her cheek before making his way towards Michael.

 

The moment he started walking, Michael did too.  He entered the room only a few seconds after Michael, but the cowboy’s shirt was already on the floor and the key hung comfortably between his pecs.  Alex smiled, hardly even jumping when the door closed and locked on its own. He was still getting used to that, but Micahel’s hands on his hips was a good distraction.

 

Alex’s back hit the wall as Michael closed in on him, his arms going around the boy’s neck.  The tone was immediately set as something more steamy than usual, the walls thumping with music and the alcohol in their systems helping.  Alex touched every inch of Michael’s skin that he could as Micahel did the same, frantically kissing down Alex’s neck as he pushed his shirt up and undid the belt holding up his jeans. 

 

“Maria knows.”

 

“I know.”

 

Alex’s head fell against the wall when Michael got on his knees.

 

The night lasted longer than Alex could even make sense of.  At least a solid hour of it was lost to a hazy, pleasurable blur composed of way too many feelings for teenagers to handle.  It was only amplified when the clock clicked to 2 AM and Maria’s words of _you’re going to war_ clouded his mind. Tears came and Michael kissed them away, holding him close in sweet consolation. 

 

Eventually, Alex found himself tucked into Michael’s side, trying to ignore the growing anxiety in his gut.  In less than 8 hours, he’d be on a plane to Texas where he’d be cut off from the outside world for weeks. It was terrifying.  But staying was scarier. Staying meant putting Michael at risk. He’d do everything to avoid that, even doing what his father wanted.  He was joining his branch, strings would probably be pulled to put him under his command. If Alex was lucky, his dad would send him somewhere else.  Then, he could at least call Michael. Once he got a phone, of course. It wouldn’t be often, they’d still have to hide, but the possibility gave him hope.

 

He knew what he said about Michael being free to fuck around if they couldn’t stay in contact, but he hoped fate would help them out and make sure that wasn’t an option.

 

Michael looked more stoic than he’d been in a long time.  He was damn near glaring at the ceiling. Alex tried to calm him down, rubbing circles into his chest and placing gentle kisses to his chin.  It wasn’t working. Alex felt fear grow in him.

 

Tomorrow, the bliss of their honeymoon stage would be deeply buried.  It was already dying. What if Michael regretted it? Or, worse, what if he didn’t want to try to keep in touch when he came home?  What if it was too hard and he was regretting their impulse decision to get married? What if it turned into a way to simply let the people of Roswell know what happened to poor little Alexander Manes?

 

Shaky fingers reached to touch his chin, “Michael…” 

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

“Did I hear what?”

 

Alex gazed up at Michael from his place on his chest.  Michael’s eyebrows were drawn together, his head lifted off the pillow as he focused on something Alex couldn’t hear.  He had to assume it was some alien power Michael hadn’t mentioned. Or maybe it was good old-fashioned paranoia.

 

“It’s probably just Maria,” Alex tried, but Michael didn’t let up, “My dad isn’t here, Guerin.” Alex gently stroked his chest.  Michael looked at him and slowly relaxed as he nodded his head. Alex couldn’t deny the rush of love he felt once he finally calmed down.

 

“I know, I know, I’m just… What exactly did you tell him?  How did he let you stay out the night before you leave?” Michael asked, cupping Alex’s bare shoulder.  Alex relaxed. At least he was talking.

 

“He’s been a little nicer since I told him I’d enlist.” Michael scoffed at the statement.  “Okay, not _nicer_ , just… he backed off. Feels like I owned up to what I did, that I want to make up for my perversions,” Alex grumbled, watching Michael shut his eyes.  “I told him Maria was throwing me a going away party and that I’d stay over. May or may not have made him think we were screwing.” 

 

“Okay,” Michael said, not opening his eyes.  Alex trailed his hand up again, resting against the other boy’s collarbone.  His skin was as hot as ever, but it felt almost clammy to the touch. His body was so rigid and it just brought more concern when his breathing started to get heavier.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Alex finally asked, propping himself up on his elbows.  The moment Michael opened his eyes, a tear slid down his face. Alex froze. He’d never actually seen Michael cry before.  The night in the shed he’d been running on too much adrenaline. The night Alex told him he was leaving, he’d gotten teary-eyed, but none ever fell.  Not like this. Alex immediately went up to cup his face.

 

“When am I gonna see you again?” Michael asked, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

 

“Uh, I don’t know.  I’d get vacation days every year.  So, like, if my dad lets me take them, I‒”

 

Michael let out a pained noise that he disguised as a laugh, “If your dad lets you.  Oh my god, Alex, this is it. The next time I see you will be when they call me to tell me you’re dead.”

 

“No,” Alex insisted.  Michael sat up, letting Alex fall to the side.

 

“Yes!  Don’t you get it, Alex?  He would rather you be dead or fucked up than like men.  That’s all this is. I’m never going to see you again. I’m going straight from newlywed to widow.  It’s bullshit, Alex, _bullshit_.” Sometime between the beginning of his speech and the end, his tears turned into full-fledged sobbing.

 

Alex scrambled to sit on his knees, pulling Michael firmly into him.  His fingers weaved into his hair as hot tears wet his chest. Michael’s strong arms were wrapped tightly around Alex’s torso as if he was scared he would just vanish. All Alex could do was hold him and whisper hollow words of comfort.

 

“It’ll be okay.” He had no way of knowing that.  “I’ll be fine.” He absolutely would not be. “I’ll be back before you know it.” Yeah, _right_.  “It’s just the Air Force, it’s not that dangerous, they can’t kill me in that side of things.” That was just a straight up lie.

 

“Alex,” Michael whined and Alex’s heart shattered.  He gulped and squeezed his eyes shut. He was usually excellent at hiding his feelings.  Somehow all it took was Michael hurting for him to absolutely lose that control. “Alex, please don’t leave me.”

 

“Michael, we’ve talked about this,” Michael’s nails dug into his back, a horrible sob cracking through his body.

 

If Alex had any doubts that Michael was lying about his feelings, they were gone.  This was as human as it got, alien DNA or not.

 

“Baby, baby, we’ll work this out.  We got through my dad hurting you, we can get through this.” Alex knew the comparison was weak, but he hoped and prayed it worked well enough.  They had some weirdly strong connection that had been tugging them together since they met. It filled them with enough devotion to drown grown adults, much less stupid fucking teenagers.  Whatever it was, it was big and it was scary and it was painful, but it was _theirs_ and Alex would be damned if he let his dad corrupt it even more.

 

Alex moved his hands to grab Michael’s face, making sure his own emotions were in check before pulling him up to face him.  He pressed their foreheads together, staring into Micahel’s gorgeous sad eyes. Sometimes, Alex was sure he could find the meaning of life if he stared in them long enough.

 

“Hey,” he whispered, wiping the tears of Michael’s cheeks.  Every breath he took was shaky and harsh, threatening to choke him each time.  “Listen, I’ll make you a deal.”

 

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed, trying to regain control of his shaky bottom lip as he said, “A deal?”  Alex gripped his cheeks a little harder.

 

“Once I get stationed and settled, if it’s close enough and my roommate isn’t a dick, you can come to see me whenever you want,” Alex promised.  That sad smile found Michael’s face and his eyes seemed to get even bigger. If Alex was even a little less focused on Michael, he may have noticed the objects shaking around the room.

 

“That’s our deal?  That if somehow the stars align the right way, I might get to see you before you’re dead or retired?” Alex held him a little tighter, looked in his eyes a little more deliberately.

 

“The stars aligned for us once before, they’ll do it again.”

 

Michael sniffled hard as his eyes searched Alex’s face for any sign of insincerity.  There was none to find. He nodded slowly, their noses brushing. Alex gave him a short peck on the lips before pulling him into a hug.

 

“You’re a good husband,” Michael murmured against his skin.  Alex let out a soft laugh, weaving his fingers into his hair.  “I miss you already and you’re not even gone. What am I gonna do?”

 

“You,” Alex said, leading him to lay down again, “Are gonna go to UNM and see if there’s anything left to even teach you.  You’ll be so distracted with school, time’ll fly by until I can come home.” Michael gulped so hard it was audible.

 

“Guess now is a good time to tell you I’m not going,” Michael admitted.  It took a minute for his words to fully register in Alex’s mind, but once they did, he pulled away.

 

“What?  Why? Michael, you have a full ride.  You could do anything you want. You’re so fucking smart, why in the world would you not go?” Alex demanded.  When Michael had first admitted the whole alien thing, his intelligence suddenly made sense. There was no reason a guy who had it _that_ bad was _that_ smart.  But then he realized that Max and Isobel weren’t exactly geniuses, they were simply your average human student. No, Michael’s intelligence was earned and special and deserved the acknowledgment he was getting with that damn scholarship.

 

So why would he throw that away?

 

“They can’t teach me what I want,” Michael said as cryptically as he could.  Alex grunted in disbelief. After a few minutes, Michael gave him a real answer.  “Izzy needs me.”

 

“Michael, you cannot stay here because of Isobel Evans.  Literally, all you’ve wanted was to leave Roswell,” Alex scolded. Michael sat up fully, narrowing his eyes.

 

“Actually, all I wanted was to get _off_ of Earth, but then I met you and then you’re all I wanted.  But you’re leaving, aren’t you?” His tone was biting. Alex closed his eyes to take a few breaths.

 

“I don’t want to fight about this, not right now, not when I’m about to leave,” Alex said.  Barely a second passed before Michael’s head thudded back against his chest. Alex let himself smile as he pulled him close.

 

“I love you, Guerin,” Alex whispered as he kissed the top of his curly head.  Michael snuggled closer.

 

“Love you too, Guerin.”

 

The rest of the night was spent wrapped up in each other’s arms.  Kisses and sweet nothings were the only things that passed between them. Alex tried to keep his thoughts on Michael, but it seemed impossible.  War and his father infiltrated his mind. He had no idea who his dad was before the war, but he had seen his brothers before and after and they’d changed.  He didn’t want to change. He wanted Michael and to be the man Michael deserved.

 

What if he became something else?

 

Eventually, the sun rose and neither of them had slept.  The alcohol had mostly worn off and they were exhausted. But Alex could sleep on the plane.  He refused to waste any minutes he had left with him.

 

Alex refused to let things get somber even when they had to get up.  He poked and prodded at Michael’s body as they got dressed, kissing aimlessly through giggles.  It’d be okay if he just pretended it was nothing more than another night. Alex wasn’t leaving today, of course not.  They still had all summer, all their lives.

 

“I made you guys breakfast before you have to leave!” Maria called, breathing their kiss.  Alex turned a confused look towards the closed door. Michael tucked into him mindlessly.

 

“What happened to leaving us alone until he left?” Alex called back, wrapping his arms around the boy who just snuggled closer.

 

“That was before you told me who it was, but now that I’m allowed to know, I’m allowed to make him breakfast!” she said.  Alex sighed and looked down at Michael. He gave an impossible set of sweet eyes.

 

“I could eat.  Can I cuddle you in front of her?” he asked.  Alex leaned down with a smile to give him a kiss.

 

“Okay.”

 

Within a few minutes, Alex found himself in a position he would’ve never imagined.  He was sitting in the Deluca’s kitchen with Michael beside him and leaning on him all while Maria stood across from them, grinning like a Cheshire cat into a cup of coffee. Any other situation he probably would’ve been embarrassed as hell.  He didn’t like having his emotions or vulnerabilities on display, but he was being shipped off soon and didn’t have it in him to care. He wanted to spend his last morning with his husband and his best friend.

 

“So, how exactly did this happen?” Maria asked, wagging her finger between the two.  Michael snorted a laugh without a smile, reaching onto Alex’s plate to steal a piece of bacon.

 

“He stared at me until I realized I liked boys,” Michael answered simply.  Alex furrowed his eyebrows, looking down at him with a smile. _Focus on this, not later._  He’s easy to focus on it.

 

“Oh yeah, that’s how it happened?” Alex asked, carding his fingers through his hair.  Michael nodded.

 

“Basically.  Do you know how annoying it is to have _two_ sexual awakenings?  Like, one is enough,” he said, scrunching up his nose as he again reached over to steal his toast.  Alex pressed a kiss to his forehead.

 

“I cannot imagine,” Maria said slowly, raising her eyebrows at Alex as she brought her cup back to her lips.  Alex laughed softly.

 

Time went by way too quickly and before they knew it, Alex had to be back home.  Maria hugged him so tight it was hard to breathe, but he didn’t complain. Not even when she smothered in kisses.  He made her promise to tell her mother goodbye as well, that he felt bad he didn’t get to say it himself. 

 

In a blink, he was sitting in Michael’s truck a few blocks down from his house.  He was so fucking angry that he was shaking. He didn’t want to go. It was too real, it was all way too real.  He didn’t want to face up to this, but he didn’t have time. His dad had already called him 20 times, leaving 20 threatening voicemails over what would happen if he tried to bail.

 

Michael reached over and grabbed his shaking hands, luring Alex to look him in the eye.  He tried to be strong for Michael, but tears were burning in his eyes.

 

“I love you, Alexander, it’s gonna be okay.  Remember our deal? I’ll see you. Maybe it’ll be two months, maybe a year,”  _ Maybe more.  _ “But whatever it’ll be, I’ll be here.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Alex sniffled as Michael’s rough thumb wiped away a tear from his cheek. His eyes involuntarily focused on the wrapped up one that sat in his lap.  Alex reached out to hold it. He had rarely touched it since it was smashed and, when he did, Michael usually moved it away. He didn’t move it today.

 

“I almost wish you were.  I hate feeling like I’m abandoning you,” Alex said, leaning forward just enough for their foreheads to touch.  Michael was back to keeping his shit together and Alex was more than thankful. He didn’t think he could handle more of Michael crying without breaking.

 

“You’re not abandoning me.  You-you’re a strong ass man and a loving husband going to serve your country,” Michael insisted.  Alex rolled his eyes but forced a smile as Michael nudged their noses together. “Just reach out to me when you can and, and come back to me in one piece, you hear me?”

 

“I will,” Alex promised.  “God, I love you. I love you so much.” 

 

Michael pressed a kiss to his lips, “I love you too.”

 

A few more kisses were shared until Alex’s phone rang and he had to leave.  His body ached for Michael’s the moment they parted, his heart thudding hard in his chest.  How the hell was he going to survive this?

 

Jesse Manes was waiting for him in the driveway with a duffle bag at his feet.  Angry grumbles and shouting and slamming shit replaced the sounds of Michael’s voice in his head and he thought about killing him.  What was he supposed to do without that voice? Alex turned the ring on his finger.

 

As they started to drive away, they passed Michael’s truck.  For the smallest second in the world, he got to see him one last time for at least a few months.  Except it wasn’t a smile, it was him hunched over his steering wheel with shaking shoulders. Alex pretended not to know he was crying.  How long would it fucking be until that left his mind?

 

It didn’t matter.  Soon enough, he’d see that smile.  Soon enough, he’d get covered in kisses.  Soon enough, he’d fall asleep with his husband tucked into his arms.  Soon enough, he’d be _home_.

 

The clock started in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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